On the inside I feel like the "last girl" in a horror movie. You know, the one who has seen what happened to her friends, knows its coming for her, and is still desperately trying to save herself.

On the outside, I'm sitting on my bed in a perfectly safe room, feeling that fear and letting it move my body, my breath, and my emotions.

Why would I voluntarily do this?

Isn't this the opposite of what most people are teaching? Shouldn't I be trying to calm and regulate my nervous system? Shouldn't I be doing everything I can to get my body to produce less cortisol and adrenaline?

Not necessarily. If the fear is already there in my body, but I refuse to acknowledge it, feel it, or let it move, then it's still influencing the energetic environment. The disruption begins in my kidneys (where fear is co-created) and nervous system. It then shifts the coherence of the blood organs, and in a domino-effect, all of the other organ ecosystems.

Next thing you know, the fear I've been refusing to address in a meaningful way, has ruptured the trust in my Organ Ecosystem and I'm wondering why everything on the inside and outside feels fragmented and I feel isolated.

The fear in my body did that.

When it comes to feeling fear, I'm not talking about the "feel the fear and do it anyway" type of advice. This is actually bypassing fear in order to take action.

I'm meaning I set aside 5-10 minutes and I say, "hi fear, I know you're there. What are you pointing me towards?" And I let the feeling of fear rise, visuals that may accompany it are welcome, and my body has permission to respond.

Maybe I get shaky, my breath starts to get choppy and high in my lungs, my facial expression changes, muscles may freeze or I may start backing away–crab-crawling towards safety. I don't often make sound because sound would show the fear where to find me, but occasionally a sob bursts forth.

And soon, it recedes. It's not an endless well, the fear in my body was given an outlet and it took maybe two to three minutes to move. The longest process took around ten minutes before it shifted into something else.

What's left in its place is clarity, calmness, sometimes creativity–a new way to respond to what felt scary.

Fear is co-created by your body when it's needed, but instead of letting ourselves feel it and saying "oh crap, yeah that is freaking scary!" and having a normal human reaction to said scary thing, we...just don't.

We've been taught to ignore fear. Rise above it. Turn our backs on it. Move around it. Not feel it or even acknowledge it because it's "low vibration." You may have even been taught fear is from the devil. A common refrain I hear right now is, "don't be scared, they want us afraid."

But if you don't feel the fear, you're still being impacted by it. Just in ways you can't see.

So, back to my fear practice. It started as a challenge to myself inside the Mythosomatic Sanctuary. We were in our Organ Realm work last season and had energetically "met" each of the emotions, and then sat in a process together to feel them all, one after another, letting the nervous system stretch and return within our window of tolerance for each emotion. We felt sadness, then joy, fear, disgust, excitement, anger, and sexual excitement.

But fear wouldn't leave me alone. It kept showing up saying, "there's something here for you." So I listened. And challenged myself to feel fear every day for 30 days.

This practice has changed my life.

It feels like I cleared a cache of little fears who got stuck in a back-log. Fears that were compounding and communicating with one another, bringing new fears into being or amplifying something when it would show up. It let me sit with big existential fears without needing to find a solution. I looked at what I fear happening in the world and the US right now and let it move through me. Some days I even felt the fear of my ancestors, of other people experiencing horrific situations. Some days it was really scary, but it was never more than I could handle.

I learned to trust my fear. And in doing so, I also learned to trust my disgust, my joy, my excitement, and all of the other emotions.

Fear is a root repressed emotion

What I mean by this, is yes, fear can show up alone, but it can also show up in tandem with other emotions. You can be afraid to show joy, afraid of your sexual excitement, afraid of your sadness. Anytime there's a feeling you don't want to feel, fear is there with it.

So by working with fear directly, I've created space for everything else to move.

And my stress levels–that cortisol we've been told to reduce, reduce, reduce–are lower than ever. I can feel it in my sleep, my digestion, and even see it in my reflection.

Fear isn't the enemy. None of your emotions are. We just have to be willing to look at why they're here and let them bring the clarity they promise in their wake...and yes, that can be scary.

If you'd like to gently start working with your Organ Realm, this bundle has your name on it.​

Off to chat with the monsters under my bed 😉

Ash

P.S. Folks who pre-ordered the Bone Codes - I'll have an update just for you early next week!